Broken Pilgrim

Take 5 on the 5th

Psalm 5 came up today as part of my readings I'm doing from the Moravian Daily Texts. It was verse 3 that really captured my attention today:

O LORD, in the morning
      you hear my voice;
  in the morning I prepare a sacrifice
      for you and watch.

(Psalm 5:3 ESV)

The text note indicates that "prepare a sacrifice" may mean "direct my prayer to you." This would of course be consistent with the first part of the verse. Perhaps the Psalmist is implying that prayer itself is a sacrifice pleasing to God. So knowing that God will hear him, he prepares his thoughts in an ordered way (the sense of the Hebrew) and lays them before God. The NIV might capture this better when it says "in the morning I lay my requests before you."

But what is this word "watch".  It has the sense of "keeping watch." The NIV translates it as "wait in expectation." This is no passive waiting. This is active passivity. Looking with hope and expectation for the coming of God, for His supply and provision.

Pray.

Shut up.

Wait …

… with eyes wide open,

… with Christmas morning eyes.

This is creating space for God.

Sin Sucks!

Or perhaps more accurately … I suck! It seems that sin just keeps rearing its ugly head in my life and heart and mind and soul. And it makes me weary.

So today I jettisoned my plans to go to some concerts in Chicago (I'm still gonna catch the one tonight at 9pm, though!) and decided just to spend the day reading and praying and reflecting and journaling.

I had gotten behind in my readings from the Moravian Church. So as I've been catching up, part of the e-mail from September 12 really pierced, deflated, reflated (I know that's not a word!) my inner world this day.

Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Psalm 51:1

The Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins. Mark 2:10

Holy Redeemer, your capacity to forgive is greater than our capacity to sin. Never let us take this gift for granted. Amen.

What a comfort these words are! As my Sin and sins continually find new "life", these truths are my only hope.

And it's a sure hope.

Because it's not based on me at all.

Thanks be to God.

[Further commentary added about an hour later … ]

Continuing to live through readings from this past week, I came across these two verses in Psalm 103:

For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west so far does he remove our transgressions from us. Psalm 103:11-12 (ESV)

Nice commentary on God's steadfast love and capacity to forgive, don't you think?

More thanks be to God.

In Awe of Hope

For those who know, there is a very intentional double meaning in this post's title.

I am in awe of the hope that resides in the heart of the gospel. The presence of hope throughout Monday, the day of the funeral for Alaina Atchison, was truly tangible. The hope of the church in ministry and service … not the church institutional … the church truly as the people of God rallying to be Christ to each other … whether from Illinois or Alabama or elsewhere was a beautiful thing to behold.

But I can't really express all the grievous beauty of the day. And that is why I am in awe of Hope Atchison. The fact that Hope would deplore my saying that makes me even more in awe of this woman who is embodying in her words and actions the surety of hope of Christ (and Hope … if you're by any chance reading this post, sorry … but I can't and won't take it back … I am in absolute awe of Christ formed in you).

So I invite you, no, implore you to read Hope's blog entries. Her grace and mercy and hope filled words will bless your soul far more than I will ever be able to capture. Her blog is called Along the Road and I suggest you begin with the Where Do I Even Begin post, followed by Let Me Start at the Beginning.

Overcoming Hope

One of the books that I read for my coursework at Fuller Seminary was Julian Norwich's (1353-1416?) Showings. Much better than I expected. On page 315 I ran across this quote:

He did not say: You will not be troubled, you will not be belaboured, you will not be disquieted; but he said: You will not be overcome.

I'm struck again by the truth of this statement, a truth that I believe is the pathway to genuine hope. Right now I'm sitting in a hotel room in Livingstone, Alabama after flying into Birmingham. Tomorrow morning I journey over to Butler along with my pastor, his wife and another couple from our church in Naperville.

An elder from my church, Billy, has just relocated with his family to Alabama. This past week, unexpectedly, his 4 year old daughter, Alaina, died in the night.

I have no answers. When I cry out to God, "Why?", I receive no explanation. And so I turn to God's words, timeless speech for our souls. Psalm 62:11-12a (NIV) says:

One thing God has spoken,
    two things have I heard:
that you, O God, are strong,
    and that you, O Lord, are loving.

I don't know the reasons, but I do know that God is strong and God is loving. How that works out is a mystery to me. (And anyone who says it's not a mystery is lying or deluded.)

I cannot begin to fathom the grief that Billy and his wife Hope must be facing right now. But I've talked to Billy. Even in his sorrow his faith has kept him in the rock solid home of belief in God's strength, God's love, God's goodness. And out of this faith, he and his wife want the funeral to be a testament to hope, to the gospel, to the abounding goodness of God.

So tomorrow, I'm going to lead worship at Alaina's funeral service. Billy and Hope have selected 5 beautiful expressions of hope and faith in song. Worship that looks to the end of all things, to God's ultimate purposes while acknowledging our sorrow and grief today. We begin with this song …

… and end with …

When we've been there ten thousand years
    bright shining as the sun
We've no less days to sing God's praise
    than when we first begun.

I really don't know if I'll be able to sing without breaking down … but I do know that God will be exalted, truly exalted, deep from the grieving heart exalted for His greater glory. And this, too, is a mystery, a beautiful mystery, to me.

For in God's Story, as we find our place in it, we will not be overcome.

For He has overcome.

Thanks be to God.

Pilgrim's Home

The Letter to Diognetus is an anonymous early Christian apologetic work probably dating from the 2nd or 3rd century. I'm fascinated by this description of Christians in this letter:

Christians do not form a separate group marked off from other people by land, language or customs; they do not live in towns of their own or speak a foreign tongue nor follow a special way of life … In their dress and way of living and general outward behavior they conform to native usage.

They take in good part all that comes their way for they are pilgrims … They live on the earth but their city is in heaven.

I believe that these words can be a simple and helpful guide for us (me) today. What marks us as "different" are not those cultural customs that mark our place of being and living, wherever that may be. In fact being "different" in this way may not be helpful in life and faith.

It's that last part of the quote that speaks to me. As a pilgrim, I can accept all that comes my way, good and bad, because I know that my true home, my heart's home, my final home is the city in heaven.

This perspective, one that I believe is received by grace, is absolutely formative and transformative.

If only I truly lived with that perspective 24/7. That's the way to be "different" and THAT'S the way to be an aroma and fragrance of Christ to others around me.

Does my life show that I'm convinced in my soul that this world is not my home?

You know what's coming …

Kyrie eleison

The Word of Hope

Looking for some hope? Recently I was reflecting on what it means to be broken and yet still consistently be full of overflowing, transforming hope. These words helped:

Against all HOPE, Abraham in HOPE believed … (Romans 4:18a NIV)

And we rejoice in the HOPE of the glory of God. (Romans 5:2b NIV)

And HOPE does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. (Romans 5:5 NIV)

For in this HOPE we were saved. But HOPE that is seen is no hope at all. Who HOPE for what he already has? But if we HOPE for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. (Romans 8:24-25 NIV)

Be joyful in HOPE, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. (Romans 12:12 NIV)

May the God of HOPE fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with HOPE by the power of the Holy Spirit. (Romans 15:3 NIV)

I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the HOPE to which he has called you … (Ephesians 1:18a NIV)

There is one body and one Spirit - just as you were called to one HOPE when you were called - one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. (Ephesians 4:4-6 NIV)

The faith and love that spring from the HOPE that is stored up for you in heaven … (Colossians 1:5a NIV)

We continually remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by HOPE in our Lord Jesus Christ. (1 Thessalonians 1:3 NIV)

The former regulation is set aside because it was weak and useless (for the law made nothing perfect), and a better HOPE is introduced, by which we draw near to God. (Hebrews 7:18-19 NIV)

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living HOPE through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead … (1 Peter 1:3 NIV)

The Word of the Lord.

Thanks be to God.

[Back soon … ]

Sorry. I've been gone again. But there's a reason.

Last week my great-aunt Claudia Dykes (who was like my grandmother and essentially raised my Mom) passed away. I ended up traveling with my sister to Graceville, FL via Charlotte, NC and Tallahassee, FL to attend the funeral and represent our Mom (who just had knee replacement surgery).

Claudia was 92, had been suffering from Alzheimer's for about a decade and was a believer in Jesus. So where's the downside in her passing? Ultimately, this was good news, no, great news for Claudia.

I love the very real hope of the Gospel.

Merry Christmas!

May the God of Hope, the Prince of Peace, the Source of Joy and the Lord of Love grant you more and more of Himself in this and all seasons to come.

Maranatha!
Come quickly, Lord Jesus!

Breathless Expectancy

Alert and eager
this most holy night; Jesus,
Immanuel, comes!

True Identity

From today's readings in Advent and Christmas: Wisdom from Henri J. M. Nouwen:

Jesus' whole message is to say that you are God's beloved child … When you can hear in your heart, not in your head, that you are truly God's beloved daughter, that you are truly God's beloved son, everything turns around. The mystery of this spiritual truth is that you were loved before you were born, and you will be loved after you die … Your dwelling in God's heart is a dwelling from eternity to eternity.

And that's a message of love and hope. An Advent message for today.